No Apologies
by SerenityFalconNormandy
Summary: Prompt: "I'm not going to apologise for this. Not anymore." Meredith threw Leandra's death in Hawke's face and called it her fault. It most certainly is not, and Marian deals with the emotional blowback.


Marian just managed to restrain herself from kicking open the door of the estate. That absolute fucking _bitch!_ How dare Meredith drag out Leandra's death in public, claiming it was _her _failure! Slamming the door so hard it rattled in the frame was satisfying, but didn't cool her rage a single jot. She could feel fire licking up her hands and arms, and demons pressing against the Veil, eager and slavering for freedom. Dropping to her knees, Marian pressed her flaming hands to her temples and sucked in deep breaths, chest heaving as she tried to reign in her temper.

Emeric, a single templar, had suspected that a serial killer was involved, and had been laughed off by his fellows. Meredith had ordered him to halt his investigation, had written to fucking Gascard to apologize! Gascard didn't fit Meredith's view of what a blood mage could possibly be, likely because he was noble and handsome, so she dismissed him right offhand. How _dare_ she claim Leandra's death was Marian's fault! She knew her thoughts were racing in circles, and that she was just making herself angrier.

Leaning forward, she placed her forehead on the cold tiles of the foyer, wrapping her arms around her middle and finally letting go. She screamed against the floor, and allowed the tears to splatter.

She heart the patter of Orana's slippers, then felt a small, cool hand on the back of her neck, "Oh, Miss."

"Get back," Marian sobbed. The flames didn't hurt her or torch her clothing, but they were dangerous to Orana. "The fire-"

"I grew up in a magister's house in Tevinter, Miss." Her voice was quiet. "You are far more careful with your magic than any other mage I have ever seen. I know you won't hurt me."

Sitting up and brushing her hair away from where it was stuck to her wet cheeks, Marian sniffled. "You know, barring Merrill and Anders, I think you're the only person I know who isn't scared of me on some level."

Orana sat down next to her, picking at a loose thread on her apron. "Messere Fenris grew up in Tevinter like I did… but had far worse things happen to him. I think if he hadn't, he wouldn't be scared of you. I know what Tevinter mages are like. I've never met a Circle mage here in the south, but you are the kindest mage I've ever met."

Marian laughed. "You never met my father. He was kind, and good." Her lip trembled, "And he was a blood mage."

Orana took her hand. "I'm sorry, Miss. I'm not very good with words."

"I'm not either, truth be told."

"If I may, what happened to get you to this state?"

"Knight-Commander Meredith. She's been cracking down on the mages in the Gallows-like she wasn't strict before!- and said that Leandra dying was my fault."

Orana was quiet for a moment before whispering, "You weren't responsible, Miss. The Knight-Commander- if I may be honest, she reminds me of the worst of the magisters in Tevinter. Everything is justified as long as it keeps her in power."

Marian sniffled, "Really?"

"Yes."

"Thank you, Orana."

The elven woman blushed. "I'm just speaking the truth, Miss. You're an example for every mage you come across."

Orana stood up, wringing her hands and looking at the clock in the foyer. "I need to prepare dinner, excuse me."

She scurried off to the kitchen, leaving Marian alone. Standing, Marian rubbed her temples, feeling a headache coming on as the anger and adrenaline bled away. She staggered up the stairs, clinging to the bannister to keep herself from falling down when she inevitably tripped. Her room was quiet, dark, and welcoming after the scene with Meredith. Bodhan seemed to have drawn a bath after hearing her come in, and the bathwater looked welcoming.

Marian stripped, and slid into the bath, leaning her head back and letting herself drift while the water cooled. At one point, she fluttered her fingers, and the water started steaming again. The tiny spark of anger flickered. Something so small as this would get any other mage thrown in the Gallows. Maker, simply being as angry as she had been when she'd arrived home would be considered grounds for Tranquility under Meredith.

Splashing out of the tub and pulling the plug, she strode over to her armoire. Marian threw open the doors a bit harder than she had meant to, and pulled out her father's staff. After this, she wasn't going to cater or kowtow to Meredith. The armor she'd been gifted as Champion was in a heap at the bottom of the armoire, never worn. Tossing aside the nondescript armor she had favored before after removing it from her armor stand, and moving her old halberd from the weapon rack, she placed the Champion armor and her father's staff in their places.

She had bowed to Meredith and the Circle for too long. Even though she knew Fenris would ring a peal over her head for opening herself up to Grand Cleric Elthina revoking the writ that publicly allowed her to live free from the Circle, she wasn't going to hide what she was anymore.

Moving over to her vanity, looking in the mirror, Marian lit her hands, watching the flames dance over her skin and feeling the heat caress her fingers. She met her reflection's eyes, their green piercing with the reflected flames.

"I am a mage. I'm not going to apologize for this. Not anymore."


End file.
